Do I keep my picture on my blog?

I've bounced around and checked out some other folks blogs. Though I haven't taken the time to do a lot of reading I have seen a few that I thought were done up really nice. :) I thought I would beautify mine too but I'm not too sure I even want to keep my picture on my site. Seeing as I use this site to put whats really going on in my world I have to think "do I really want people to know what I look like?" Doubtful. I haven't made up my mind as of yet though. Well today (starting with yesterday evening) starts a day of mystery. Either mama is mad about something or she's depressed. She hasn't had much to say to anybody and prefers to sit outside or closed up in her room. I'm just going about my business. I really don't know what to do. Maybe I did/said something wrong I don't know. There's really very few days around here that something ain't happening or somebody ain't bent out of shape. Almost getting where I expect it ya know? I thought with my younger brother coming into the picture that it would change her depression. To some degree it has. Seems like when he's around she's happy-go-lucky. She says she has a good time when she stays over their for the weekend. Seems happy when he calls. But with me....if I'm taking her shopping shes happy. Here at home shes moping around. I've tried to get her interested in different things but she isn't really interested. Shes said no more words to me today then necessary. I've said everything I know to say but it's going to take her to change things. At what point do you quit letting things get to you? Isn't it better to just say 'the heck with everything bad that comes my way' and walk on, then to risk your sanity? At what point do you accept that the people who have moved on into the heavens aren't coming back? What makes some people run on memories and make the best of what life they have left, and others stay in that black hole? I've accepted the fact that I can't pull her out of that black hole. She's gota have to take the Lords hand and let him pull her out. Seems our family (what few we have left) has really been put to the test. Though we are a small group we are a tight group. I have faith we will come through our troubles. I put our troubles in the Lords hands. I wish mama could see that even though she has lost parts of her family to death and the other part to just being evil that she does have us left. She has two children left, grand-children and great grand-children that love her. Put the ones we've lost to death in your memory bank and let the ones we've lost to evil (devil) go about their way. I know I'll see my family when I get to heaven and I know that the Lord will advenge our wrongs. It's not always easy to not lash out. I'm human, but I know I must have faith too. I'm hanging onto my faith. I've found that watching preaching on t.v. in the mornings keeps me grounded. They seem to teach on what I need to hear. Feels like they are talking directly to me. I know that the Lord works through people so I listen and learn. :)
My pain level has risen quite a bit these days. I think some is stress, granted. Most I think is just the disease. I've never liked the idea that they call it a disease. Makes it sound like I have something nasty! When I have to tell people I have Transverse Myelitis they get that blank look on their face. Almost like they don't know whether to ask what it is or run. Can't blame them. I never heard of it either before I got it. I'm getting spikes of pain that are making it hard to cover up. I've become a master of being able to cover up how I feel. I have learned how to laugh, joke and carry on like I feel great when on the inside I can cry. Seems early mornings and evenings are the worst. I know that my husband thinks I just don't care if he gets dinner or not. Its not that, even though I've never been that thrilled at cooking. Most times its a matter of just hurting so bad that standing in the kitchen cooking is just misreable. I've tried to eat better so I can put on some weight but when your hurting its so hard to eat!! I feel like I look anarexic (sp?). I didn't realize I looked so thin until I looked at my body under the white bright lights in a dressing room at Kohls. Pitiful. I know mama gets agrivated when I take her shopping because I start nagging about going home before she even hits her stride. That standing on concrete starts to throw my body into a ugly fit of pain. I hate to complain too much. I don't want pity because I'm very fortunate compared to a lot of folks. I think my family tends to forget the fact that I hurt all the time. Its not that their being mean at all. Its like being around a growing child. The parents don't pay attention to the child growing but a person who doesn't see that child very often see a huge difference. Sometimes I feel like just laying around while my family might have different ideas. Babysitting for me is a tough one. I love to see my grand-children but after a short while I have laying down in the quiet on my brain. I know they must think I don't enjoy the kids. I don't want to announce everytime "hey...I hurt, go away." I think thats why I enjoy them better at their house then mine. I can come home and lay down where its quiet and let my body scream. Nobody wants to tell their kids to take their children home because you can't handle any more noise and activity. That you can't play the role anymore, and its about to get ugly. You can't run away when your already home. I always wanted to be a tight grand-ma but I know that type of relationship will have to come when they are older and calmer. When they are settled down more. Right now they are just typical fun loving kids who love to run and play and scream and yell. Nothing wrong with that. My time will come later. As usual my blogging is a rambling mess. Matches my thinking I suppose. :) Here it goes...typos and all.