Sheet Marks & Kittens

Well its 2:00 am and I'm wide awake!! Laid down super early (which I do quite often actually) because my body decided to kick into severe hurt mode at 6:something last night. Went to sleep just like a baby. That happens quite a lot too. Woke up around 10:00 pm thinking that my night would be starting. Went back, took a shower and watched a interesting show 'ghost stories' and then 'I survived....", then back off to sleep. Wonderful!!! Well do I need to tell you that its 2:00 am and here I am? Typical. ha ha ha Hit the bathroom (really wanted to know that huh?) and just like a woman I had to check out myself in the mirror. Just like I was expecting to see something other then a baggy eyed, hair messed up beauty. ha ha ha Then there it was...........the dreaded sheet marks running along the side of my face!!! I haven't had sheet marks in ages. They are terrible because it seems like they take forever to get rid of. I've heard that means your dehydrated. That amazing considering I'm one for keeping something to drink in my hand all the time. Anyway since I'm awake I figured I'd grab my baby computer (that's what I call my netbook) and type a few words. Soon as I got up mamas dogs heard movement and as usual I checked in on them and there they were, standing there, ears perked up and ready to go out. So here I sit in my usual chair in the sun room with my baby computer perched on top of a book (which fits its exact by the way), a few dogs sitting along side and behind, a few dogs laying on the floor, and me typing away. :) You know, there for a while I really didn't care if anybody read my blog but I wonder would anybody find it interesting? My youngest son has read it and signed on as a follower. Bless his heart I know he probably did it so make me feel good. ha ha That was nice of him. He's a sweet kid. I bookmarked it in my mothers computer and I gave my address to my hubby but I really doubt they have read it. After they seen how long my bogs were I'm sure that was enough to send them running. To be honest I don't see them reading them. So do I worry they read about me talking about them? Nah. Even if they did they can always say that I'm truthful. :) I said this blog was my outlet. Am I always right in how I see things? Probably not but its the way I see them anyway. I call it like I see it.

Well mama will probably come home from my brothers tomorrow. Last text I got from her was asking could she have a kitten. Crazy woman!! We live in a two bedroom bungalow with seven dogs and one cat now! I love kittens as much as the next person but we are pretty much full when it comes to the pet kingdom around here now. I wouldn't take nothing for the ones we have but we really don't need anymore if we can help it. I hope she doesn't come home all bummed out cause I said no. We'll see. I don't think she has taught about how much cost would be involved either. With having it fixed and declawed and shots it would add up fast. I've heard it said that declawing was inhumane but Chewy is declawed and I think it was a good idea. I had heard that they didn't give them anything when they declawed them but I made sure that was a myth with my vet before I had it done. To have them fixed (spayed or neutered) is beneficial for them as well as us. With having them declawed is an option you should only take if you are willing to keep them inside and away from harm for their lifetime. They would end up getting seriously hurt or killed if they were outside!! It has to be a lifetime commitment for the owner so you better make sure you can commit before you have it done. I was willing to take that commitment on so Chewy was declawed. After he was declawed I filled his litter box with shredded newspaper until his feet had healed up. With sore paws they find it misreable to push around litter. Plus it can get into the wounds and cause infection. Its more work and you really have to stay behind the litter box because newspaper doesn't absorb odors very well and it gets 'used' up fast! But its worth the effort for your pet. Cats love to 'knead' furniture. Have you ever visited a home and the sides of their furniture looked like it had been through a meat grinder? Stuffing showing? Well I wanted to avoid that so declawing was the route I choose. I have never regretted my decision. Like I said earlier though...if your going to have a cat declawed be prepared for that lifetime commitment. Anyway....back to mama. I don't think she though of all that would go into having a kitten. If she comes home bummed out I'll remind her of that. Maybe it will make her feel better. Mama and I are at that stage where at one time she called the shots and now she's living with me so I pretty much do. I'm not saying that she has to get everything 'approved' by me. Not by any means. This is her home too, but somethings we all have to agree on. I remember thinking that I would one day be able to have all the animals I wanted!! A child's way of thinking I suppose. Now that I'm older I realize that a home can't hold but just so many. Pets can be a major financial responsibility. If done right. Vet bills can run as high as doctor bills can now-a-days.
Well my youngest son is pulling a double today. Seeing as he's a night owl and didn't get much sleep last night, I bet when he does get home and lay down he'll be down for the count! ha ha ha His car has been needing a battery so he's had to get a jump to get to work and another jump to get back home. So last night he just stayed up all night (he does that regularly anyway since he usually works second shift) and this morning he went back to work to get his check at 7:00 am. He wanted to get a battery before he went to work. That having to get somebody to jump you twice a day is the pits. Been there....done that when I was younger. So about the time he gets all that done and lays down its time for him to get back up again. He usually gets off around 9:00 pm but since the other cook didn't come in he was stuck to pull graveyard shift!! I know his eyes had to be batting by midnight. He'll be one tired puppy when he does finally come dragging in. He's wanting his own place so bad. I know with him being a young man and all he really wants his own space but with him starting college in august and working full time I wish he could hang in there and see how hard it will be maintaining paying for a place. I recon I just feel like he would have it a little easier being here then worrying about paying more bills and trying to go to school and all. Maybe if he does find something it will be with other guy room mates who will be sharing in the living costs. I think the whole moving out is stemming from wanting to live with his girlfriend. Shes a sweet girl but I just don't see what the rush is. He goes and spends his off time at her place. Why rush into a live in relationship. He's been there a few times before and its like 'playing house' before you actually get there. The dating is the fun part. I think sometimes thats what makes relationships go down the tubes. People are wanting to pretend marriage. I'm not saying that I'm better. I lived with my hubby a year before we got married. We dated a total of three years. Dating is just so much fun. When you live together you enter into another deminision of your relationship. That when you go from fun to serious day to day survival mode. Thats where the marriage part kicks in. During dating you get out and do more, have more fun. When you 'settle down' you learn all the differences of each other you didn't know before. Thats not a bad thing, no, but I do think it pays to learn a lot about each other first. The dating part helps you learn things in a slow way. Living together you learn everything so fast you don't really have time to adjust. Your going from leaving your day to day stress at home to go out and have fun to both of you taking the same day to day stress out with you. To be able to handle that well you need to have built up to that point. DATING!! Thats your building point. Nobody wants to 'build' up to anything anymore. People want to jump in with both feet and expect them building blocks to be there. A lot of times it isn't. Enjoy your dating time. You got plenty of time to settle down. Would'nt it be nice if us 'older' (I don't mean ancient) people could make the 'younger' (I don't mean babies) people understand when were trying to help them? Well I suppose I'll surf the web for a bit. If I can get reconnected that is!! Good ole Time Warner! Roadrunner my eye! If I have a nickle for everytime I was dis-connected I would be a rich woman! Good night or good morning. Which ever you want to call it. :) For everybody who enjoys finding typos.....enjoy it blog!! :))))

Think I'll keep it!!

I think I've decided to keep my picture on my site for now. I got to thinking....who cares what I look like?! Yea...it is what it is. :) I'm sitting here blogging while my youngest boy is sitting in the chair in front of me playing his game. Do we know how to party or what? ha ha ha Today went well. After I decided to get out of the bed at my usual 11:00 am and got the dogs out to pee I decided to do nothing. ha ha My husband and I and a friend took the bikes out for a nice ride. The wind was whipping quite bad but I enjoyed it. Relaxing. Mama went on to Davids house for the weekend. Friday before she left she was in a good mood so I'm hoping she had a good time. I hope she'll come back happy. :) Maybe next week she'll be in a better state of mood and not depressed. Her mother showed up yesterday for a surprise visit. Mama played it smart and got her mess together and got the heck out of here so she didn't have to hang around here very long. She (her mother) acted like a person should act so the visit was ok. She's still wanting to know to know when we'll get together for lunch. I haven't made her a answer yet on that one. I don't return her calls but she's bound and determined to stay in the picture. Knowing her like I do I'm just waiting for her to go back her her mean self anytime now. Mama told me to give her another chance so I said I would but only as long as she acts like she should. If she goes back to her mean self again then I'm done with that relationship. I know I'm supposed to forgive and I'm trying to get there, but I can't get over the fact that she didn't even call us to let us know that mamas father was dieing!! Didn't call when he died! I mean...how evil can a person get? I keep praying and I know the time will come when I'll forgive. Hopefully sooner then later since I know thats what I'm supposed to do. But I also think that after so much abuse you have to at some point let go of a person who's bent on making your life misreable. Agree? Disagree?

Ron goes on vacation next week. Hoping to get some things around here done. Lucky him. :))) I'm really wanting one of them shutters like whats on the beach houses put on my bathroom window. Might disappoint our nosey neighbor but hey thats the breaks. Price we pay for living in a neighborhood.

My youngest son got his financial aid for college this week. Ho-rah! The boys got the brains for school. Always did but just didn't have the atitude for it. He was always my tough kid. Hated school with a passion. Now that he's 25 he's come to realize that a degree is what it takes to get somewhere in life. He's going after a degree in computers. Good field to get into since we know that computers are here to stay. They will just advance more over the years. Since somebodies computer is always kicking a fit it will come in handy having somebody in the family who can get it fixed right. He shouldn't have no trouble learning since it already comes easy to him. Computers are his thing. He already knows quite a bit so he's got a good head start on things. I think every parent wants their kid to go further in life then they did. You have two choices in life...you can be the one ordering dinner or the one serving it!! Now is the perfect time for him to go to school. He isn't married. No hold downs in life. I've always heard that saying 'if you have a job doing what you love you'll never work a day in your life' and that couldn't be truer. I should have understood that when I was his age. If I had, I would be working today when I felt up to it to instead of staying home and drawing a pitiful disability check. I hope what I'm telling him is sinking in. I suppose every parents hopes for that huh? Well I'm off. Might as well make my way to the bed. Goodnight!! :)

Do I keep my picture on my blog?

I've bounced around and checked out some other folks blogs. Though I haven't taken the time to do a lot of reading I have seen a few that I thought were done up really nice. :) I thought I would beautify mine too but I'm not too sure I even want to keep my picture on my site. Seeing as I use this site to put whats really going on in my world I have to think "do I really want people to know what I look like?" Doubtful. I haven't made up my mind as of yet though. Well today (starting with yesterday evening) starts a day of mystery. Either mama is mad about something or she's depressed. She hasn't had much to say to anybody and prefers to sit outside or closed up in her room. I'm just going about my business. I really don't know what to do. Maybe I did/said something wrong I don't know. There's really very few days around here that something ain't happening or somebody ain't bent out of shape. Almost getting where I expect it ya know? I thought with my younger brother coming into the picture that it would change her depression. To some degree it has. Seems like when he's around she's happy-go-lucky. She says she has a good time when she stays over their for the weekend. Seems happy when he calls. But with me....if I'm taking her shopping shes happy. Here at home shes moping around. I've tried to get her interested in different things but she isn't really interested. Shes said no more words to me today then necessary. I've said everything I know to say but it's going to take her to change things. At what point do you quit letting things get to you? Isn't it better to just say 'the heck with everything bad that comes my way' and walk on, then to risk your sanity? At what point do you accept that the people who have moved on into the heavens aren't coming back? What makes some people run on memories and make the best of what life they have left, and others stay in that black hole? I've accepted the fact that I can't pull her out of that black hole. She's gota have to take the Lords hand and let him pull her out. Seems our family (what few we have left) has really been put to the test. Though we are a small group we are a tight group. I have faith we will come through our troubles. I put our troubles in the Lords hands. I wish mama could see that even though she has lost parts of her family to death and the other part to just being evil that she does have us left. She has two children left, grand-children and great grand-children that love her. Put the ones we've lost to death in your memory bank and let the ones we've lost to evil (devil) go about their way. I know I'll see my family when I get to heaven and I know that the Lord will advenge our wrongs. It's not always easy to not lash out. I'm human, but I know I must have faith too. I'm hanging onto my faith. I've found that watching preaching on t.v. in the mornings keeps me grounded. They seem to teach on what I need to hear. Feels like they are talking directly to me. I know that the Lord works through people so I listen and learn. :)
My pain level has risen quite a bit these days. I think some is stress, granted. Most I think is just the disease. I've never liked the idea that they call it a disease. Makes it sound like I have something nasty! When I have to tell people I have Transverse Myelitis they get that blank look on their face. Almost like they don't know whether to ask what it is or run. Can't blame them. I never heard of it either before I got it. I'm getting spikes of pain that are making it hard to cover up. I've become a master of being able to cover up how I feel. I have learned how to laugh, joke and carry on like I feel great when on the inside I can cry. Seems early mornings and evenings are the worst. I know that my husband thinks I just don't care if he gets dinner or not. Its not that, even though I've never been that thrilled at cooking. Most times its a matter of just hurting so bad that standing in the kitchen cooking is just misreable. I've tried to eat better so I can put on some weight but when your hurting its so hard to eat!! I feel like I look anarexic (sp?). I didn't realize I looked so thin until I looked at my body under the white bright lights in a dressing room at Kohls. Pitiful. I know mama gets agrivated when I take her shopping because I start nagging about going home before she even hits her stride. That standing on concrete starts to throw my body into a ugly fit of pain. I hate to complain too much. I don't want pity because I'm very fortunate compared to a lot of folks. I think my family tends to forget the fact that I hurt all the time. Its not that their being mean at all. Its like being around a growing child. The parents don't pay attention to the child growing but a person who doesn't see that child very often see a huge difference. Sometimes I feel like just laying around while my family might have different ideas. Babysitting for me is a tough one. I love to see my grand-children but after a short while I have laying down in the quiet on my brain. I know they must think I don't enjoy the kids. I don't want to announce everytime "hey...I hurt, go away." I think thats why I enjoy them better at their house then mine. I can come home and lay down where its quiet and let my body scream. Nobody wants to tell their kids to take their children home because you can't handle any more noise and activity. That you can't play the role anymore, and its about to get ugly. You can't run away when your already home. I always wanted to be a tight grand-ma but I know that type of relationship will have to come when they are older and calmer. When they are settled down more. Right now they are just typical fun loving kids who love to run and play and scream and yell. Nothing wrong with that. My time will come later. As usual my blogging is a rambling mess. Matches my thinking I suppose. :) Here it goes...typos and all.

And how was your july 4th?

So...how was your 4th? Mine was nice. We all went to my oldest boys (and his girlfriends) home. It was nice. Since mama wanted to have a cookout and so did my sons girlfriend we decided to combine the two and have them at their house. Worked out well that way anyway. Between the two of them they have five young children combined! Theres not much for them to do over here but at their house they have a slip-and-slid so they got to play and we got to socialize. Gave me a chance to try out my new little camcorder also! My collection of electronic toys seem to grow more each year. I had bought my hubby one when my oldest grand-daughter was born so he could film her growing up. Neat idea...dang shame he played with it a little and it went in the case where its lived its six years. After checking out youtube I got the 'video bug'! Though my husband can be a sweetheart he can also be stingy. Needless to say me using his camcorder was out of the question. So....I bought my own. Were not the typical couple (or are we?) you might say. Of course I've only been married and lived with two men so maybe I'm not one to know what a typical couple really is. :) I recon I just always thought that couples shared things. Seems senceless (sp?) to have to buy two of everything but I have gotten used to that. I was always used to a couple sharing most everything. Since my last marriage we were so poor we really didn't have any choice. Never bothered me though. I think the only thing I ever really wanted to be able to call solely my own was a car. But then we shared that too. Now...sharing isn't an option. I think he is un-comfortable sharing. I'm not sure why. Maybe in all his relationships they didn't share. I don't know. Sorta funny if you think about it. We each have our own things....we don't use each others. But we have our own vehicles...but we share that. We just jump into any vehicle we decide to drive at that particular time. I remember talking to friends at work about how most of them had their own checking accounts even though they were married and thinking.....thats nuts. But I got used to that too. After I no longer worked we decided to use one checking account. I did end up opening up another one though to use as a saving account that I could use when I needed to. When one person is working its really no use in having seperate checking accounts. I remember how it used to bother me so bad that he didn't want to combine things. I recon I got used to it. The modern relationship I think they call it. Modern or trustless? I find it sad actually that marriages don't feel like that 'one person' feel anymore but the 'two seperate people" but married. Really don't make sence does it? So...what makes a marriage feel any different then a room mate but with sleeping benefits? Not a whole lot different, other then one has a certificate and the other doesn't. Though I didn't grow up living with my parents I always thought of them having the perfect marriage. In reality nobody has the 'perfect' marriage, but I would have to say that they came mightly close. They were almost joined at the hip. If you seen one then you knew the other wasn't too far away. Just being around one and not the other had a weird feel. When my mother had neck surgery and couldn't ride in a car my dad picked me up for lunch. Just me and daddy. Without mama there he looked out of place. Most people today would say they couldn't stand being that tight but they were and loved it. Just watching them around each other you could see how much they enjoyed each others company. Yea....they had their fights like everybody else...but I never saw the big throw downs. Daddy just acted like he cherished the ground mama walked on. They would crack jokes at each other and nobody got bent out of shape. They were such a happy couple. Usually they were laughing about something. My dad always said that communication was a major part of a good marriage. My parents had a long happy marriage. I think most people wish for the same. Most everybody wants somebody that cherishs the ground they walk on. I look at the 'old fashioned' marriages like my parents, then I look at the 'modern' marriages of today and I find it sad. Somewhere along the line we were convinced that we each had to have our own lives but we could also be married too. I don't think anybody wants to have just their spouse in their lives and nobody else. Everybody needs friends and family to be with too. But when you have more going on without your spouse then you do with your spouse then your co-habitating with a marriage certficate. Seems everybody had gotten so selfish today. Its the me before you era. This is mine and that is yours. I'll see you when we meet in the bed. Where has the tightness gone? Since when do you agree to spend the rest of your life with a person but don't trust them to touch your electronics? Has your belonging become so valueable that they are now too important for you to let your life mate use them? Definitely something worth thinking about huh?

(THIS WAS WRITTEN 6/30. MY INTERNET WENT DOWN SO I HAD TO SAVE TO MY COMPUTER AND THEN COPY AND PASTE IT HERE THE NEXT DAY) Well its after midnight and here I sit. I've found out that writing my thoughts come easier at night then during the day. :) Its quieter and a lot more peaceful. So even to the person reading this it might seem like I get distracted when I'm not. I do tend to start talking about one thing and my mind tends to wonder off to something else. I would call it 'old timers' but at just 45 (almost) I flatly refuse to accept the fact that I'm getting older. My father loved getting older since he said it put him that much closer to seeing the Lord. Though I look forward to seeing the Lord myself I'm just not that thrilled with the getting old thing. From what I have seen through family members and people out in public, getting old just makes you a walking needle cushion and one big walking 'test' for our friends the doctors. Poor folks walk around with big purple and black bruises on their arms and wrists all the time. So do I look forward to getting there myself? Nope not at all. My father never made it to that point though. He passed at 61 of a heart attack. He left here so quick I don't think he even knew he was going. When its my turn to go I hope I go as quick as he did. I've always been thankful of the fact that we were so close. Though I didn't grow up with my real parents I did start a close bond with my dad when I was around 20. When my parents moved here on the coast so I could see them anytime I wanted my father and I got really close. He became my best friend actually. My parents lived 45 minutes up the road from where I stay but I made as many trips up there as possible. Sometimes coming home well after dark. I just loved their company. My dad studying the Bible like he did made for interesting conversation when my mother went to the auction house on fri, sat, and sun nights. The day I was called by a neighbor and she said daddy was taken to the hospital but she could'nt tell me much more I knew things were bad. I don't think I'll ever forget it. My husband was in the shower and I told him he had to get out 'cause something was wrong with daddy. On our way to the hospital I knew I would'nt see daddy alive again. I can't say how I knew (maybe the Lord was preparing me) but I just knew. I had lost a major person in my world. Heaven is only lucky place 'cause they got a good man. I think of him often. Seems things changed so much. The same laughter isn't there and our get-to-gethers aren't nearly as much fun. He was always cracking a joke on somebody and he was always laughing. If a party was dragging you could always count on daddy to liven it up! :) My mother has told me lots of times that I remind her a lot of him. She said I'll talk to anybody and so would he. I don't think I realized just how much we were alike till she made me think of things. I miss him something terrible somedays. For a long time after he passed I would catch myself picking up the phone to give him a call. Since daddy has died and mama has moved in with us we have forged a tight bond. We always got along anyways but I was tight with daddy like my younger brother was tight with mama. Funny how it goes that way. I don't think you even think about it till the person or people pass and you look back on things. After my younger brother passed at 37 and then my father passes six months after him, both my mother and I lost our best friends. Thats not to say that we weren't close to our spouses, but theres a different bond between parents and children then husband and wife. My brother and I only lived maybe 15 minutes from each other for a long time before I realized it. One day he just shows up and we started to get tight. By then he was sick. With loosing his job because of it he was in need of financial help to survive. I know that had to be so embarrassing to him to have to show up on my job to ask for money. That was the best money I ever gave away. And I'll always be glad that though he was embarrassed, he showed up to ask 'cause that re-started a relationship that if not for that I might have missed out on the end of his life. I had always been taught that the Lord works in mysterious ways and I'll always believe that the Lord was at work when he sent him to me. Of all the times mama had talked about him coming to her house I never thought about us getting together. But when a person is 37 you never give any thought to that person dieing. My mother has sure had a hard road to travel with losing both her son and husband in a six month period. Her depression has gotten so bad at times I've often wondered if she didn't will herself away at some point. Mama has lost a lot of her happiness (to be expected) since they have left. They both left in 2005 and I have learned to live with another mother. I don't think my mother from years back will come back at this point. Shes often said she will never be the same person she was and I understand. I don't think I would be either. Though I still get sad at times I found peace with the fact that I will see them again when my life is over. I'm now in the 'parenting my parent' stage of life. Like getting married and having kids it seems everything in my life has always come early. I've always felt ahead of my time for my age. Though I have another brother I've always known I would take care of my parents when they grew old. My mother isn't old by no means. Shes just 62. My mother was once an out going person who has become closed within herself at times. Once a person who was always doing something to a person who is content to have me take care of everything. I'm lucky to be able to take care of mama but I wonder sometimes when she can do something and just doesn't want to if thats her way of shutting down. I worry about her a lot. She has had more stress then a person deserves. Her father, after taking care of him for years upon years decides to kick her to the curb when his other daughter (I wont call her mamas sister because I don't think shes worth the title) decides he's worth (he had money) her time. Her mother didn't even call her when her father died!! The preacher 'found' our numbers in his room at hospice and called her to let her know he had passed. You have to wonder.....how does one person get such a terrible, heartless, family? So as of now 'the other daughter' (might as well call her by her name...Patsy) and hope my computer don't catch fire, has done everything in her power to cause mama pain. Sometimes I wonder how mamas heart can take it all. Though she knows she has her two living children, my husband and her grandchildren I can understand how it would hurt so bad to have the people that you grew up with to be out to hurt you so bad. Her mother has always been sadistic but I would have never thought years back that Patsy and her father would turn out to be such evil people. I have known people who have had familys like these but to have it in our own....well I don't know what to say. My grandfather passed away leaving some money and with Patsy needing it to pay for trying to live beyond her means just proves that point I've heard from other people through out the years..... that when it comes to money people will do anything. I think of the times when my grandfather made me promise that he would die at home. I think of when we went to see him when Patsy had moved him into her house and him saying he wanted to go home. Since she had changed everything into her name what could we do? He let her put everything in her name thinking she would do right by him I think. When he changed his bank accounts and will and etc. I doubt he knew just whos hands he was putting it in. Since he did my mother wrong.....was that why he was done wrong in the end? When he had enough money to have somebody live with him in his own home but was moved away from him home, his life, friends, personal belongings and ended up giving up......was that how he made it for himself? I wonder about that. The person he put his faith in was the wrong person. I think he realized that when he decided he was 'stuck' and wasn't going back home again and he gave up. He was in good spirits just a couple of days before he died. The nurses in hospice said he didn't even belong there...but two days later he dies? I think he lost his will to live. After you spend your entire life working and saving for your old age, isn't it only right to spend their money making them as comfortable as possible in their old age? Sure it might have taken everything he had to pay a person to stay with him but wasn't that what it was for? I think so. I don't think when he was working and saving it was to pay for an over large house for three people. And expensive vehicles that would do him any good. Has money become more important then a life? To some people it has. Its sad. I think if he could have stayed in his own home with his little dog I think he would be alive today. The one thing he was closest too was his little dog. Then he's moved into a home where his little dog has to sleep in a cage in the garage. Was he comfortable? Doubtful. I have seven dogs (three chihuahuas which sleep with me and hubby), and if I was moved into a home and my dogs was just 'tolerated' I doubt I would be comfortable. Just knowing my dogs was locked in a cage in the garage instead of in the bed with me, like they were used too, would be misreable for me. So....what was there to leave hospice for? A room in a house that my dog wasn't allowed to sleep in? A room that held none of my belongings other then a few clothes? The only things familiar being things that maybe was worth some money to somebody when I died? I can imagine if felt more like a dieing animal watching vultures circle in the sky above waiting for you to draw your last breath!! So with all that spinning in my mothers head can I blame her for not being the same 'ole mama' I always knew? No I can't. Just making it from one day to the next has got to be tough. But I do think that threw it all the good Lord keeps mama going. I put my faith in him that no matter what people throw at you and no matter what comes around you always have him. Money can't change him, buy him, or run him away. Only the devil works in that fashion. Well as usual my battery calls this blogging to an end. Typos and all are being published. :)